Recently I’ve been an asshole and it dawned on me during my morning meditation. Yes, I meditate it helps control my overthinking but back to original thought, I think it’s because the side job is been really annoying me lately. Yea, side job the life of a comedian ain’t always sweet, but having to deal with customers and their randomness awww man sometimes I leave work wanting to whoop some ones ass over a receipt. Some days they want a happy retail slave and I don’t got it in me, I’m not mean, I be on some straight to the point no pleasantries type-ish and people be like oh my god are okay or they repeatedly ask, “how are you?”. And I’m like, “sir do you want a bag?”, I don’t want to have a insincere conversation to make your day jolly. I hate it but I need the cash and some of these people deserved my asshole-ness. A lot of them probably didn’t really deserve to be treated like that and that’s something I’ve always struggled with. The sarcasm, the smart mouth, the facial expressions and I probably will continue it until the end of my days that’s like damn near embedded in me. I’ve been doing it forever especially when people do dumb stuff or they just seem out of it but even when I’m trying to be just cool and I’m not mad, people still think I got a attitude problem and I just be chill, I think I may have resting bitch face or something. I can see that though I am really transparent my face is super honest when it comes feelings, you can see and feel mine happy energy. But I shouldn’t carry that around, I need to be better. Meditating brought me that message, yeah people tell you, “man you’re mean”, but you never really sinks in until you really come to terms with it and really examine yourself. The world works like that sometimes you know it’ll send you messages that you need to know but you can only receive it if your mind is quite. Basically a sign but signs only work when you can see them, recognize them, except them, a good analogy would be when you miss the bus and another one comes right after reminding you that opportunity is never lost or the importance of positioning and timing. Another example of this would be I had a friend hit me up recently and she was like, “how are you doing “, you know what’s up it’s been a minute, basic catch up and she just springs this on me like , “have you ever felt like I’ve never supported you?” and I was like ,”I don’t pay attention to who don’t, I focus on who is” and she said, “that’s real,” she’s like, “I was just going through a lot recently and I just wanted to make sure that people know that I care about them and you were one of them,” and I was like ,”oh, that’s real man, I appreciate that “ and I feel like that message had come to her during a reflection which made her reach out.
we should all take time to do this sometimes and reflect on just life even the smallest aspects of it. Sometimes the smallest aspects for us, can be big in others lives, so just quiet your mind you know and let the messages will come to you.